The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this defect.
The Repair Technician, JESUS, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no additional fee required.
The number to call for repair in all areas is: P-R-A-Y-E-R.
Once connected, please upload your burden
of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure.
Next, download
ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart
component.
No matter how big or small
the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with:
1. Love
2. Joy
3. Peace
4.
Patience
5. Kindness
6. Goodness
7. Faithfulness
8. Gentleness
9. Self-control
Please see the operating
manual, the B.I.B.L.E. (BEST Instructions Before Leaving Earth) for
further details on the use of these fixes.
WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit
without correction voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to
dangers and problems too numerous to list, and will result in the human unit
being permanently impounded. For free emergency service, call on Jesus.
DANGER: The human being units not responding to
this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN defect will
not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to pry event contamination of that
facility. Thank you for your attention!
- GOD
P.S. Please assist where possible by
notifying others of this important recall notice, and you may contact the Father
any time by 'Knee mail'